We last discussed the source of supply and the importance
food and facilities can have on your ability to produce some grade A butter,
now we will expand on that previous discourse and help you understand the role
of food in other aspects of brew mastering.
Currently our labs in Prescott are testing a little known
theorem that the great Einstein penned right before proving E=MC2. This theorem
holds that surface area plays a key role in both the speed and complexity of
the high.
The Green Apple Splatter clan say that the fine, milky
spray that accompanies a good bout of diarrhea provides the maximum surface
area ensuring an even disbursement of urine. This allows the jenkem to brew more evenly and faster. Much like a beaker is the best friend of a Meth Chef, the crucible of choice for GAS is the ships decanter.
On the other side of the toilet there are the Loggers, who stand firm that a well formed log provides a dense base material that has been well aged in the proper temperature found only in the deepest regions of the upper colon. This ensures a rich nutty aroma packed with minerals and serves up the choicest jenkem when aged only in the afternoon sun. They further claim that the pre liquefied source material used by the GSAs is actually diluted down and produces a heavy on vapor and bouquet but weak on buzz.
With this I have to head out to the cooking shed and sample some of each and report back to you later.
this vessel is truly fit for a jenkem master. The finer points of the fermentation process are what separates a true master from an inexperienced hack. Anybody can shit in a miller high life bottle and put a balloon on it. A true master seeks to control not only the high, but also the sassy flavor of our favorite foul mouthed inhalant. A decanter such as this does indeed provide not only more surface area, but a certain class that a miller high life bottle, 2-liter, or milk jug just can't match. Combined with a a little urine, sun light, and a well balanced turd, be it liquid or solid, this decanter will not dissapoint. Believe me, I have huffed shit gas from a lot of different balloons that were attached to a lot of different bottles, and if you want the best in taste and are seeking to get really, really high, this is the way to go.
ReplyDeleteIn other news, I was able to go for a mountain bike ride today, and while I did not see any Zambians out in the woods, I popped a friends mountain bike cherry and introduced him to the wonders that are contained right here, in the depths of the inferwebs. Hopefully he and his roommate drop by and grace us with a comment or two. Now that C"rot"ch and Dorbs are back we can figure out where Mr. Kleinman has gone. Hopefully he is not being short bus'd by Criss Angel right now.
That's a big one in the front twenty in the back for you,
Doctor
Another country tune just popped into my fragile little mind.
ReplyDeleteHigh on a mountain top as played by Del McCoury Band
As I looked at the water down below
It was brown just as far as I could see
As times past returned how my gut did churn
And a flaming shit dropped right out of me
High on the mountain top, turds flowing free
Feeling what an upper decker means to me
High on the mountain top, standing all alone
The tank on top is where my turds have flown
Oh I wonder what you'll think of me
when the turds floating in the tank you see
As I listen to you heave, falling to your knees
I'll always cherish what you meant to me
High on the mountain top, shit pouring out of me
The tank is full as you're about to see
High on the mountain top, standing all alone
The upper deck is where my turds have gone
I already took 3 shits today and a fourth just filled by BVDs when I sang that incredible jingle.
ReplyDeleteSongs keep pooping into my head that are just begging to be rewritten in true Energor style. I attribute it to visions from our Lord Energor. I am pretty sure that Willie, the Beatles, and Del McCoury would approve of my revisions. I am thinking about doing a greatest shits album sometime. Be sure to save those BVDs for later.
ReplyDeleteDoctor
Oops, forgot to say. I was watching an episode of "I shouldn't be alive" the other night where a guy was left for dead in between the second step and the summit. Naturally my thoughts turned to MT Kohler, and the death zone that exists between the Energor step and the summit. I googled people who died on the toilet while getting ready to write a post here, instead I found another blog with an article on this subject and a healthy comments section, so I left one of my own. I tried to hijack another one called 7ponds but it didn't work. If you click on my name on the comment it sends you here. Maybe we will get some more traffic. Here's the link: http://nathanieltapley.com/2011/09/02/the-9-most-famous-people-to-have-died-on-the-toilet/#comment-10064
ReplyDeleteDoctor
Doctor, that is some amazing work you have done, researching this information. I especially love the response you received from the proprietor of that blorg. It kind of makes me wonder if Elvis had been addicted to the lung butter, would his fate have changed? Would he have still keeled over at the base of Mt. Kohler? Or would he have gone on to a longer, more fruitful career? Part of me thinks his music would have changed, once riding the brown dragon. I can see it becoming more ethereal, a little more mystical and psychedelic. Kinda like Ravi Shankar meets Syd-Barret-era Pink Floyd meets... oh... i don't know... meets ICP.
ReplyDeleteTime has not been on my side these last few weeks, as I have had time for little else other than work, eat, sleep, occasionally ride, and shit. I have been fortunate, though, to make my turds count, in that they have all been solid. I even got to see Farinella's dog take a fat shit last night, and that was pretty awesome. Part of me wanted to bottle it up, and infuse some PBR into the bottle, to spur on the fermentation process a little more quickly, but I thought better of it, as that would be a waste of a good beer. But perhaps not? I think I shall try a couple of experimental batches of butthash infused with certain beers, much like you might cook a brat in beer. This will take place in a separate facility from my normal production line.
Energor be praised, and Energor be with you.
Crotch that is amazing. I didn't know he had responded, and soon too. I wonder if he happened to pop by here. Maybe we can recruit another to the dark side of the brown dragon.
ReplyDeleteI am high(ly) curious how your beer jenkem turns out. I wonder if micro brews or shit beers will work better for this purpose. Maybe we will have a huffing at burning to put this question to the people. For now I am going to go to the Energor step, balloon in hand, to get my heart rate up via extremely intense, vigorous masturbation, and work on my VCH4 max.
a parting jenku
japanese business day is done
breifcase dildo panties
attempting short bus solo
watch out for Criss Angel
Doctor