Since the first photos of my plumber's crack went over so well, and since it has changed hues dramatically, I thought I would post a couple more. My ass turned this color sometime between Sunday morning and my chiropractor appointment Monday morning. I almost postponed my appointment, but I am glad I didn't. He did some Mr. Miyagi shit to me and I am feeling a lot less soreness today. He is the first one to notice the amazing purple color. Oddly enough I am only really sore on my side, around my beautifully swollen kidney area, and in the greenish area just above my purple crack. It really is pretty amazing that I didn't fracture my tailbone.
In other news, I have had three cups of coffee already this morning, and have not produced any jenkem ingredients. I am now enjoying a three shot americano and some rumbling sensations are starting to occur, along with some gaseous out bursts that are frankly quite frightening in odor. I may be in for a wild ride atop the Energor step, very close to the summit of Mt Kohler. I had Huevos Rancheros for lunch yesterday, followed by baked ziti for dinner. I am hoping this combination produces something worthy of cellaring. I should do pretty well in the volume department anyway.
Energor Speed
Doctor
I feel the need to say that Criss Angel did not put me up to posting pictures of my ass on the inferwebbings, although I am sure he is enjoying them. Speaking of Criss Angel, it has been days since the illustrious C-Dubbs has posted a duty report. This is not like him, seeing how he is a regular guy and all. I fear he may have been taken to the Jeff City bath house along with Crotch. Neither has been here in a number of days and I am becoming increasingly concerned that they may be engaged in unspeakable acts at the hands of Criss Angel, who has been known to stalk victims and wait until they are deep in jenkem meditation and can be controlled more easily due to their inebriated state. We have to help them.
ReplyDeleteIt smells eggy in here.
Doctor
I don't for a minute believe that is a bruise, moar like scorch marks from all of the jenkem blowing out of your ass.
ReplyDeleteZambian children attack
Mountain bike crash
Bruised and stopped up
Dorbs!! You didn't get kidnapped by Criss Angel!!! I was terribly worried. Crotch has apparently escaped Criss Angel's clutches and is currently raising money to get one of his esteemed colleagues, and former TC Man, to huff the lung butter. Jenkem virgins, one day you have to bribe them into trying it, the next the are full blown jenkem junkies.
ReplyDeleteAbout the bruise, I think you might be on to something. I shit purple the other day and must have just missed a spot during cleanup. It's so hard to see what's going on back there.
Swollen kidney
Purple crack
brown dragon swirling lungs
Doctor
Greetings jerks!!! I am pretty excited today. Yesterday I took a rare pre-coffee dump, which didn't really amount to much. As I still can't ride, I drove Mrs Doctor to work and went to the shop early and started on repairs. I was jacked on coffee by the time I got there and had two more cups immediately. Nothing happened. It didn't even really cross my mind until I went to bed last night. There was no follow up, coffee fueled shit. That is why I am so excited today. There is no way the couple tiny little turds I managed to squeak out yesterday morning are all that is in there. I am moments away from my morning coffee, and although I had to get up from writing this to take another pre-coffee dump, I feel that a great explosion may occur on Mt Kohler today. Apparently so does the rooster up the street from me, he is going ape shit right now.
ReplyDeleteIn carbon related news, my rattle can gold steel fork has been replaced by the new Chisel carbon fork from specialized. It looks a lot like the niner fork, but has a taller axle to crown and better brake hose routing, taking my bike's weight down to a feathery 19 lbs. Not bad for a 22" frame. One of these days I will be able to ride it again. In the meantime I can still ride Mt Kohler, which is all I really plan to do on this, my day off. I will also translate my ancient Chinese scroll of Teh Gospel of Energor, Book of Penises, chapter 12 "Minivann'd"
Doctor
My day off turned out to be exciting all right. Not in the explosive manner that I had anticipated, but exciting none the less. I was blessed by Energor with three trips to his step, very near the summit of Mt Kohler. While none of these produced anything spectacular, three summits is three summits. I consumed a ton of Mexican food last night, so today should not be without entertainment.
ReplyDeleteI got to thinking after I translated my scrolls and read the gospel yesterday that, in a way, the entire world is somewhat of a jenkem hotbox. Our existence may be nothing more than a jenkem fueled hallucination. Think about it, how many people farted as you read these words, how many people took a shit. A whole fucking bunch, that's how many, me included. Now extend this throughout the animal kingdom. Sure there are something like 7 billion people out there, all rushing the summit of Mt Kohler or the local sewage pond, whichever the preference is in your region, but what about all the animals. My dog Taco is probably taking a huge shit in the yard as I type this. So is the neighbor's dog, and his neighbors dog and so on. From my living room right now I can hear many dogs, the rooster up the street as well as many other birds, squirrels, even coyotes earlier this morning. There are plenty of deer and javelina here, as well as the occasional skunk. Now all these animals simply shit on the ground and leave it to do what? That's right, ferment in the sun. Now think of our atmosphere, or jenkemsphere if you will. It is simply a means of containing all of the methane that is being released constantly. It is the earth's big yellow balloon, and it is tightly filled, waiting to bust your lungs and blow your mind. Praise Energor. This could be part of the reason cycling is so appealing. Higher respiratory rate means more jenkem intake. That's why keeping that VCH4 max up is so important.
Of course all of this atmospheric jenkem is dilluted by other brownhouse gasses, which is why a direct hit from a balloon is still going to rock your world. It is almost pure methane. Which begs the question, is our reality merely a hallucination generated by the background jenkem in the atmosphere? This is a subject that philosophers and scientists could debate forever and never have a sure answer. I for one have heard the gospel of Energor and know the true ways of the world, and huffing shit.
Get totally minivan'd
Doctor