I got up and began looking for javelina or squirrel turds to get my buzz going again when I made a shocking discovery. Crouched behind a bush was a little Zambian boy who had witnessed the whole thing. Once he realized I had spotted him slowly stood up and extended his arm towards me. Lo and behold, in his hand was a gatorade bottle with a balloon on it. Praise Energor.
As you may already know, I have recently seen several signs of a possible Zambian presence here in the Prescott National Forest. Balloons on the side of the trail, Foul smelling bottles containing a brown liquid. There was also an incident downtown where someone broke into an art gallery, took a hundred dollars, and shit on the floor. Clearly the work of Zambian street children if you ask me.
As I moved toward the boy, he extended the bottle to me and made a deep breathing gesture. I took the bottle, removed the balloon and breathed the gasses in deep. Immediately the pain subsided, my eyes went glassy, and a wave of euphoria washed over me. Dead relatives voices swirled in my mind. The jenkem had a pungent, gassy flavor, with hints of pine cone and coyote. As I settled into my high, I thanked the child and handed the bottle back to him. He nodded, and then disappeared back into the woods.
Their encampment must be very near the trail I take to work. Once I am able to ride again, hopefully in a day or two, I will find their lair and repay the boy with a special blend I have had in my cellar for over a year. I know he is not alone out there in the woods. There are certainly more Zambian street children out there with him. Once I find them I will try to find out how they got here, as well as help them improve their jenkem techniques. As for today, I am off work and will be huffing the lung butter for the rest of the day. Maybe in my enlightened state the great Energor will reveal another song to me, or provide me with some other insight into mysteries of life and jenkem. Until then, if you would please remove your pants, and mini van yourself very thoroughly.
Doctor
Well this certainly is an excellent dovetail into yet another aspect of Jenkem that our panel of experts will discuss - the do's and don'ts of equipment operation when huffing the butter. Our esteemed Doctor has provided us with an excellent case study, moar on this later.
ReplyDeleteOh yeah, nice "plumbers crack"
ReplyDeleteI would theorize that the good Doctor's fall was not accidental. You see, the Zambian children are known for being very timid and shy. And yet, they have recognized, that without the help of others, their Jenkem methods will never be known.
ReplyDeleteI believe, that in fact that Zambian child who offered the good Doctor a huff actually planted the rock there in the first place in order to "accidentally" meet the Doctor. Kind of like when I'm too shy to introduce myself to a woman in a coffee shop, I accidentally pour my coffee all over her shirt and then offer her the shirt off my own back as a gentleman or when I see her in the street I push hr over or trip her accidentally and then run to the rescue to help her up. Little did he know, that the man whom he thought he was introducing Jenkem to, was already light years ahead of the Lusakan children in Jenkem sophistication.
You both have quite interesting points. I might have taken one pull to many off the old balloon before my ride. I can't say it hasn't happened before. It is also possible that I was set up by the Zambians in order to make contact. I wonder if I was targeted randomly, or because they could sense that I too was on the brown dragon. I will attempt to make contact perhaps using the jenkem equivalent of the Kleinman coffee method, spilling shit all over the boy next time I see him. I don't want to be mistaken for Criss Angel though. I feel they might be here trying to escape him based on the reports we have heard of Criss Angel sightings in Lusaka. Only time and huffing more shit will tell.
ReplyDelete