My word the activity has been fierce in the comments, not quite as fierce as the action in
AZ, but with such activity we felt it was time to enhance the education levels of our astute readers. We will begin our series of lectures on jenkem from j to m as we bring you up to speed on the latest in harvesting, brewmaster skills, correct huffing techniques and a dissertation on the interpretation of your hallucinations.
A key element in producing various strains of jenkem begins with the very source of your supply. This is akin to growing a crop of ditch weed or a crop of wicked hydro. The Zambian youth of Lusaka, due to the limited food supply/choices, opt for the ditch weed brew by scouring the open sewers of the city.
While some of finest jenkem from the midwest is rumored to come from the pristine facilities of the deep Ozarks where the cuisine can range from Dos Primos to the infamous Jerkward Braquito.
At this point it's time for you readers to take a great big huff and think about the concepts we are being to explore. Crafting a batch of jenkem is not just as simple as stuffing a bunch of shit in a bottle, pissing you PBR into it and letting it cook like a batch of sun tea. No in our next discussion we will expand on the subject matter of solid waste selection and delve into the world of seasoning your brew.
I agree. A well educated jenkem huffer can enhance their experience by following proper technique during the fermentation process, as well as during inhalation of the foul mouthed vapor. Food intake is definitely a factor in jenkem flavor. I have noticed that jenkem after taco night has a slightly spicy, eye watering quality that something like, say pancake breakfast jenkem, just doesn't have. I had an amazing crash today on the way to work, bouncing off of several large rocks, and shredding my bibs and jersey, so rather ride tomorrow on my day off I will of course be huffing jenkem, as well as ingesting many different foods in order to craft a robust, sassy jenkem blend. I intend to make this one of those special shits. The kind that you bottle, cellar, and ferment to perfection. I might even go for a three week, green bottle fermentation for this one. It's going to be that good.
ReplyDeleteDoctor
In anticipation of the upcoming tutorial on methods of Jenkem production, my mind has wandered near and far and instilled in my head 2 new methods for Jenkem production: Attach a balloon to the anus hole and let it collect the gases that are let out after a good evening of eating, inhale the product? Alternatively, one could attach a tube to said hole and place the other end in his mouth and then as soon as the vapor is produced one could inhale it. I am curious if the Lusakan children have tried these two methods.
ReplyDeleteOh Mr Kleinman we have moved beyond the balloon on the ass method and instead have a gasmask with hose that is inserted deep into the production pipeline thus tapping the young fementaion vapors.
ReplyDeleteGood Doctor I think the time has come for you and one Crotch (whose lack of recent presence can only be attributed to being trapped atop Mt Kohler in complete release mode based on the recent writing) or he is in his man cave experimenting with Jenkemstein, a monster buzz.