It was a long day at the office and despite dropping a deuce with the morning coffee at the house, on the way home the old dark stark started puckering as it tried to keep that turtle in it's shell. Hopping onto a near empty subway it looked to be smooth sailing and hopefully on the quick end of the normal 45 minute commute. Well right before the doors shut on trundled two women, one with a wheelchair bound teen and the other with a 3-4 yr old at her hip and the toddler passed out cold in the stroller.
I was able to make my way forward in the car despite the whole world spinning and every passenger looking like the image of my long departed mother. It was rather amusing to watch at each stop as rider fled like lemmings off a sinking ship and a new mob moved in and it was usually within 45 seconds that you could see the noses crinkle and the eyes rolling up into their heads. Suddenly everyone on the subway realized the 4 train had truly become the J Train.
Dorbs, how glad I am to learn of your glorious return to the keyboard. I had not even had the opportunity to check in on this, the cultural center of the jenk-iverse. I have been on the receiving end of the fat, chain-lube drenched shit that the shop has taken upon my head as of late. The worst part is, whenever a customer has what is known as "diarrhea of the mouth" and is spouting off pure shit from their mouth-hole, I don't even get the pleasure of getting high off of it. Instead, it just serves to make a little bit more of my insides die and rot away.
ReplyDeleteSpeaking of rotting away, it wasn't but 3 seconds after I sat down to peruse this blorg that I had to get right back up and engage in emergency evasive maneuvers towards the ascent of the East Face of Mt. Kohler, so as to arrive atop the Energor Step for an unexpected evacuation of my brown holding tank. It slid right out with little to no drama, ending in a satisfied sigh of relief.
This had me thinking of a recent 3 day trip to chicago that myself and Mrs. Crotch took, where we stayed on the 17th floor of the Intercontinental Hotel. Super Swanky. I can't help but think, when your staying on a very elevated floor like that, the speed at which my turds reach when flowing down the plumbing on the way to the sewers brings a smile to my face.
Sounds like quite the train ride. Jenkem is one of the few drugs that people don't even think about their children being exposed to. The lucky fella in the stroller is now guaranteed to be a jenkem addict. I like his mother's indifference to the whole scene. She doesn't give a fuck. Awesome. She looks capable of creating some formidable jenkem ingredients herself, for all we know she may have been contributing to the aroma of the train
ReplyDeleteI highly enjoy Crotch's musings on the journey that his turds take. I wonder how many miles an hour they approach before making what must be an epic splash into the sewer. It would be interesting to somehow install one of those speed trap cameras in the sewer to get an accurate speed. I just got back from vegas and you guys aren't going to believe how well the bathroom was equipped. Lot's of Kohler logos. I took some photos to put up here in the next day or two.
In CB news. I will in fact be able to make it thursday evening as I will be arriving in STL on wed. afternoon.
GTMV'd
Doc
This is indeed great news, that Doctor will be in StL come Wednesday afternoon. I will be working like a bitch most of this week, though I am working on getting off early friday. Fuck that place.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, I am celebrating with a New Glarus Two Women lager. What am I celebrating? 5 days without alcohol. Or was that 4? whatever, what does it matter. After this weekend, I'll be holding off until next weekend, at which point it will be GAME FUCKING ON. Since I will not be racing on Saturday, I will be drinking for everyone. Get ready, and fuck you.
In other news, I had a two-flusher today at work. This is actually much less impressive than it sounds, as we have to double flush nearly all solids. I get the feeling that our shop has the plumbing equivalent to a 900lb man's arteries, 15 minutes before his heart stops.
We need to coordinate, because we three need to make sure we connect in StL more than just in a drunken stupor next weekend.
I you sure it wasn't hours and not days? I hope while in Chicago you left a swank upperdecker in the swank Mt Kohler of the swank hotel
ReplyDeleteI drank a fair bit in vegas and thought that I would get a chance to dry out once I got back to work, but people keep bringing me beer at the shop and Mrs Doctor is already in st Louis and I have managed to crush the fresh torpedo 12 pack that was in the fridge here at the house. I have a feeling it's not going to get any better this week.
ReplyDeleteIf getting better means riding your taint into submission, drinking copious amounts of yeasty malted beverages, translating ancient Dutch scriptures and dropping countless deuces in the CB crapper then this will be the mother of all weeks.
ReplyDeleteSee you in StL but until then go minivan yourself jerk
Fuck Oboner, shut down or no that toilet will get broken in properly. I'll climb through that tiny little window if I have to. To bad you can't upperdeck a pit toilet, although I could perch a couple brown snakes on the seat. I have just cracked open yet another torpedo in order to prepare my fragile brain for my 3am shuttle ride to phx for my 6:30 flight. I have to pass out soon in order to wake up so early. Maybe I should start double fisting. (drinks, not myself.) Perverts.
ReplyDeleteDoctor
just had a thought. We should move this whole race to DC. We could upperdeck the white house and congress. 12 hrs doing laps around the mall is an interesting idea
ReplyDeleteBetter yet is the 12 Hours of Upperdecking and the team that can drop the most upperdeckers in the house of Congress and the Senate wins!
ReplyDeleteI think you guys are missing the point. Congress is completely upperdecking the rest of the country. Fucking John Boner and all those dicknoses are ramming us down the throat with the ole' "Alaskan Pipeline." Regardless, I have destroyed my own toilet relentlessly after returning from my brief stint at half-Burnin'.
ReplyDeleteTurds dropping like bombs
It's like World War 2 Hamburg
There's no survivors
I have had some interesting digestive activity. I have returned to AZ and am finally back to eating actual food and my guts couldn't be happier. Pre burning I ate the lumberjack burger @ weber's which had two grilled cheese sandwiches as buns, two fried eggs, cheese and bacon. I was still doing ok after this behemoth. Then it was on to the forearm burrito @the ranch. Everything was still doing ok. Then we got to council bluff which consisted mostly of brahquito's and bacon grease egg burritos. Things started getting a little weird in the ole gut. Sunday we got back in time to drink way too many IPA's and catch the cyclocross race. We went to Stove's local bar (which smokes it's own meat, something I have nevar been able to accomplish.) where I felt the need to continue drinking while I sucked down not one, but two spicy chicken sandwiches and two orders of fries. After a final forearm burrito I was off to Oklahoma, the land of beef three meals a day. I had been riding an intestinal roller coaster for a week at this point. By the time I got back to prescott the shit shotgun was going off three to four times a day. Things are starting to return to normal, but tonight Mrs. Doctor is making vegetarian chili, which is always good for a few laughs the next morning on the summit.
ReplyDeleteGet Totally Fuckin Mini Vanned.
Doctor.